life · motivational

Holy cow, it’s been awhile!

For someone who is not as busy as I should be I have sucked at getting posts up! Sorry about that.

It’s been an interesting month, the husband started a new job that he loves and I am so proud of him for that. I’m enjoying the new space I am training my clients out of (it’s where I CrossFit so how could I not love it?!), and we have been on two long weekend vacations to Colorado and Las Vegas. Both vacation were really fun, one was an absolute nightmare coming home and that airline lost two customers. I broke our vacuum and so we bought a Dyson that works better with animal fur/hair and is more a tune to allergies. I know, a vacuum how is that fun….it just is and I love it!

I am still working on growing my business and what I have to offer and how I want to offer it, it is more work than I thought, but I think that is part of the fun, it’s the challenge of it all. I have some good ideas in place and just need to learn how to execute them. So I hope by summer I will have them completed and ready to roll.

The husband and I are working with a new workout schedule because of his new schedule so we are not seeing much of each other and that sucks, but it is life. We always got to workout then come home to eat together, but now I eat alone and it sort of sucks, but what good does it do being sad over it? We get to have dinner every night but one and that’s fun too. And we still get to workout together, except for one day, so a win again. I do know the one thing he hates is not having our dog with him at work everyday like he used too. I love mommy-doggy days, but I know they miss each other a lot. Changes are always going to happen, so I hope our dog doesn’t mind always being with Mumma.

I feel so cliche right now, I am sitting in a coffee shop typing our this post drinking my almond milk latte. Who does that?! I guess I do. I love this coffee shop I am at as it I see privately owned and serves two of my favorite brands of coffee, Anodyne and Colectivo. It smells divine in here right now, yummy!!! Earlier I was eating one of the Susie Nature Bars, which are basically granola bars with nuts, dried fruit and honey. I have serious issues sometimes and call it that something is “Courtny proof”…. well the damn wrapper on that bar seriously was “Courtny proof” and I literally could not find how to open it. Once I did I would not come out and finally I was eating it and it was super sticky and falling in clumps in my lap. Just not my day, HA! It was good though.

Ok, so the last two weeks were really rough mentally for me. At times I do tend to have mild gastrointestinal issues that usually go away within a few hours of a flare up, but this time it took two weeks (including the time I was in Vegas). I felt so unbelievably bloated, fat, unattractive, and again fat beyond all belief that I brought myself into a deep, dark well of self-doubt and depression. All I could see was this round belly and not my sort of defined abs and small belly pooch like normal. I had wanted to bring some Jean capris to Vegas and absolutely none of my jeans were fitting me at all. It was so frustrating and discouraging and I was crying because of it. People that know me know that I have come a long way in getting to where I am in terms of my actual weight, but also mentally with accepting that I will never be a size 2. On any given day I am either going to be 100% ok with my curves answer my muscle or be 50/50. Today I feel confident and feel more like me, but like I said the last two weeks were like hell.

Not feeling comfortable in your skin is one of the hardest feelings to overcome; you don’t want to look in the mirror at yourself because you are ashamed of what you see. Trying on clothes is just a no-no because you know nothing will look good even if it does, you have yourself worked up. When we get like this we either want to eat our sorrows away or not eat at all. I am the latter, I feel if I don’t eat I will drop the weight like that. It is borderline eating disorder which is a scary though, but since I was 11 this I still how I behaved. So, I reiterate I have come a long way. I want others out there to understand that you can and you will rise above, your weight has nothing to do with it, it’s in our heads. If you can work out of thinking that a smaller. Umber on the scale is the most important thing, you will have won. That number I should not what defines you, YOU are what defines you. People love you for who you are, not for how thin or big boobed you are. Your personality is you. Your laugh, your smile, your hugs, your eyes, your everything is what is important. If you want to become a better version of you, a healthier version, then use this positive mindset and work toward that, but never lose who you are. With the right support system around you, you can’t fail, but you have to be ready to work for it.

Does any of this ring true to you? It I should hard but not hard at the same time for me to be open and honest about my struggles, but is frightens me that people will judge me because of it. Why should I care? I don’t. Everybody is coming from somewhere different and we need to accept that. I accept anything you share with me. I want to help. Those are things we all need to hear. So how can I help you today?

I hope you all have a great day, I plan on making it a fabulous day!

Courtny

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